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What One Week Of Wireless Internet Can Do

I finally caved in, and installed a wireless internet router. Along with caving in, I also gave a lengthy talk to the Brats about the dangers of the Internet - again.

Everyone was happy to comply with the rules, or so we thought.

Until Friday before last. One of the brats had asked to be allowed to go into town with a friend after school. No problems there. Not until it was time to pick her up from the bus.

- No, she’d taken the bus to the center of the village. Why? No good answer. So we set off to pick her up there, 5 kms further afield. There we were, waiting for a bus that never arrived, for 20 minutes. New phone call.

-No, she’d actually taken the train. What??? So, we thought she’d been given a lift by one of her friends, and not daring to meet us at the bus stop (she’s not allowed lifts, unless cleared with us), gone to the train station. Off we went to the train station, blood boiling… Luckily, we found her there… When pressured, though, it turned out that she’d been nowhere near the nearest town, her friend hadn’t been with her, and she’d taken the train to Oslo (1 hour away) to meet some guy she’d met on the Internet. The guy is 23, Brat is 14.

Blood was now boiling to the point of explosion… Laptop (anyone interested in a short term laptop rental, by the way?) and cell phones were confiscated on the spot, and she’s grounded for a month… She’s gradually beginning to understand the seriousness of this, but she’s still convinced she can take care of herself. Yeah, right.

I committed the mortal sin of logging into her Messenger the same night (I know, it’s bad, but I had to) - lo and behold, there he was, wondering if she’d come home safely… Did I ever give him a piece of my mind… He won’t be contacting her any time soon, and I think he’ll stick to girls his own age too…

We’re still on wireless. She’s not got a computer, and when (if) she gets it back, there’ll be restrictions, I can tell you. She was lucky this time, nothing happened to her, and I hope she’s learned from it.
Not including how to trick us better next time…

2.9

This entry was posted on Monday, April 7th, 2008 at 12:41 pm and is filed under Context, Family Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

18 Responses to “What One Week Of Wireless Internet Can Do”

no image blueyes (This Is Me) Says:

Holeee….you only wish something like that doesn’t even come close to happening to your own family. Lucky indeed and thank goodness!!

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 1:34 pm

no image kim (This Is Me) Says:

Oh my!! I can only imagine what horrors were going through your head. I am so…happy things worked out for her and you and I really really hope she learned her lesson.

I have a nine year old girl and the Internet and her just terrifies me.

2.8

April 7th, 2008 at 2:14 pm

yearblook.com Says:

What One Week Of Wireless Internet Can Do…

Internet safety for kids… A Parents’ account after the fact….

April 7th, 2008 at 2:30 pm

no image Ada (This Is Me) Says:

Thank goodness for the safe ending, and kudos to you for being on top of things.

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

no image manic mo (This Is Me) Says:

I’m surprised you didn’t ground her for a Thousand Years!
Glad this story had a happy ending!

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 5:18 pm

no image empress bee (of the high sea) (This Is Me) Says:

now THAT is scary as heck! and i thought you had about quit posting… so sorry to have missed this all.

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 6:54 pm

no image sarge charlie (This Is Me) Says:

all is well that ends well, thank you so much for your kind remarks on my Manic Monday 1000 post

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 7:09 pm

no image Daily Panic (This Is Me) Says:

I have a teenage daughter and this makes me as nervous as you. I was never as bold to go against my parents wishes, but between us (mother and daughter) it is a constant battle of wills. She had the nerve to tell me her dad wasn’t comfortable with her having a boyfriend (who is her age), but he has to “deal with it”
We are not dealing with “it” and she is in a constant state of grounded- which will last the next three yrs…
stick to your guns. I’m glad she is safe.

1.7

April 7th, 2008 at 8:26 pm

no image Pam Hoffman (This Is Me) Says:

DON’T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN YET!

My daughter is 24, almost 25 now. When she was a teen, we had terrible trouble with the internet and it wasn’t even as advanced as it is now.

I did so many things to dissuade her - including lock her CPU in the trunk of my car…

She STILL got online and ran phone cords under carpet, etc.

It is even easier to be duped now. WATCH OUT!

You are not out of the woods yet. She will try something again, and sooner rather than later I’ll bet.

I was terrified to find out that my kid had contacted ‘an 18 year old guy in New Jersey’ once - gave him our home address an everything.

Terrifying.

Don’t get all comfy. This may still be an issue - especially since you took the tools away and grounded her so severely. That which is taboo, must be gotten into.

Watch for ’study sessions’ with friends. Also, parties at school. I had the devil of a time with the teen-age years.

Girls are certainly more challenging than boys I think.

Good luck and keep your guard up.

Some resources: BILY=Because I Love You
see if there is a group near you

The Love & Logic Institute
search on the internet, you’ll find them

See what else is local to you - different areas are different.

You may have to sit her down and write out some kind of ‘will’ to jog her out of this - she ‘needs to be prepared just in case’ and watch what happens. Inducing emotion is key since she may be divorced from them for all this.

What is important to her? You may have trouble finding it - when you do, go for it.

Empathy works too “oh, another bad grade, wow, that is going to follow you for the rest of your life” etc. be all sad about it in front of her.

It can be a little fun - with the right tools and Love and Logic Institute has them.

I feel for you,

Pam Hoffman
http://seminarlist.blogspot.com

2.8

April 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm

no image fragileheart (This Is Me) Says:

Wow… no matter how much bad stuff happens to other people, we all still never think it’s going to happen to us huh? I hope she’s learnt her lesson and sticks to her own friends and especially boys her own age. I think you logging in to her MSN was valid - so long as that was the only time ;P

2.8

April 7th, 2008 at 10:24 pm

no image Lynne (This Is Me) Says:

OMG! That’s so frightening, I feel for you, that had to be very scary. Our kids think they are invincible, little do they know what predators are out there. Thank goodness nothing happened and you have the chance to let her learn from this experience.

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 10:37 pm

no image iris (This Is Me) Says:

OMG! I am so much scared of reading your post, i have a 10 years old step daughter and she keep on asking for an internet connection in her bedroom but after we heard why her friends computer confiscated is that because they went to naughty site we have decided not until she is matured enough if she need computer for school or something we allocate her time with our supervision.

There so much predator that we can’t even allowed our kids to talk to stranger anymore even as good gesture.

That age is where we parent need to be more extra careful and watchful with them because they have a lot of crazy stuff going on.

I am glad you got her before she went to oslo, and nothing happened … Frightening.

3.6

April 7th, 2008 at 11:10 pm

no image Winter (This Is Me) Says:

It’s not wrong of you to read her messenger. When my 18 yr daughter was 15 she had an internet stalker that she got because her “friends” in school gave the guy her name, and her IM, her MySpace, etc. My kid wouldn’t even have had any contact with this guy if the other kids hadn’t hooked up with him first. So my kid thought they knew him in person. Turns out they didn’t. Turns out he was almost 20. Turns out he was a stalker looking for girls 13-15 that he could hook up with. He was also local and knew her high school.

When the guy started telling her he would help her if she didn’t get along with her parents, she got freaked out and the whole story came out. Her dad started using her IM and contacted the police. They ended up arresting him because he got a 13 year old pregnant.

So watch out for what your kids’ friends say about them online. My daughter is still telling her friends to remove info about her from their My Space, Facebook, Gaia, IM’s etc. And basically, the cop in charge of internet crimes locally told all the girls, if you don’t want your parents in your IM then you are doing something you shouldn’t, talking to someone you shouldn’t. If you’re doing nothing wrong, then you shouldn’t worry about a parent occasionally checking up on you. Believe me, my kid will be the first one to tell you that she was scared and didn’t care if we used her IM.

2.9

April 7th, 2008 at 11:14 pm

no image Claire (This Is Me) Says:

Oh the silly bugger, I hope your okay and she is feeling suitably remorseful now.

I was my naughtiest at 14 and spent more than six months that year grounded, she will hate you as a teenager does until she is about 25 and then she will realise that you were totally right but never thank you for it, or that might just be how I was

2.5

April 7th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

Rene Says:

Very scary. I am so glad she’s OK and I really hope that she was and is still scared. My son, 14, told us one day that we embarrass him in front of his friends because they get to do so much more than he does. I explained that it’s not my responsibility to see to it that he looks cool, it’s my responsibility to see to it that he remains alive. Not two days later a guy was dumped at his school, beaten. Schools were put on lock down and we live in the country! Safe, right? A couple months later he’s crying uncontrollably because his friend has committed suicide. “I didn’t know things like this happened to people my age,” he said. Good for you checking out her stuff. My kids know I can and will do it. Again, they’re my responsibility and I take my job very seriously.

April 8th, 2008 at 12:30 am

no image Dette (This Is Me) Says:

OMG - you must’ve been flippin’ out. This was exactly the reason I had my 13 year old cancel his myspace - account. He’s an easy one though - all I had to do was tell him how predators use these social sites to look for kids to take advantage of.

He gets it. But it’s my 7 year old I’ll need to watch out for… He’s a little less self confident and a LOT more impressionable…

2.9

April 8th, 2008 at 5:58 am

no image shaf (This Is Me) Says:

thank god ur daughter is safe.yeah it is good to keep a check on what these kids are doing on the internet & to make them understand what the consequences of doing such things could be.

2.5

April 8th, 2008 at 8:11 am

no image CindyS (This Is Me) Says:

That is so scary! My eldest daughter climbed out her window in the middle of the night to go ride around with friends. I heard a noise and got up to check and discovered her gone. When she got home she found her window locked and all the doors and a very, very angry mom sitting up waiting for her. She was grounded “until I quit being angry about it” which actually lasted a couple of months. She was not allowed to go anywhere except work and school and I drove her there. It was one of the few things that made an impression on her and she still remembers it. She missed homecoming and she had already bought her dress and paid for it herself. We had a lot of talks about the importance of trust and the cost of losing it.

2.5

April 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm

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